“I Don’t Feel Like It”
I think we all know what I’m talking about. S. E. X. When I asked my husband for ideas on personal topics for blogs, he told me that I should write about “Sex in Marriage.” Whatever did he mean by that? And then I thought about the last time we had been intimate. And I couldn’t remember. So, I thought harder. Okay, now I remembered, and, whoa! It had been too long. Granted, we have two young children, so I think we get a pass because there is very little appropriate time for such private exchanges, but still.
I remember when I got married nearly a decade ago now, I asked my already married friends for marital advice. One (usually quieter and more timid) friend quickly responded that my husband and I should never stop having sex.
Keeping Your Priorities Straight
She’s right. Sex is (or should be!) the one thing that truly sets our relationship apart from those we have with other people. It’s something special that you don’t do with anyone else. So, it is important to make it a priority in your marriage.
Another friend (who is now a judge in the juvenile division, but I digress) informed me that, when she and her husband married, they agreed that no matter what, they would have sex at least once a week. If it got to be Sunday night, and they hadn’t made love that week, then they would do it no matter what, whether one of them was sick, very pregnant, not in the mood. . . it didn’t matter.
She reported that it had led to some fun incidents of having relations in more public settings.
Battle of The Sexes
It’s just a fact of life that sex is more important to most men than it is to most women. Biologically, it makes sense. Men were created to procreate with as many women as many times as possible. In contrast, as women, we can only have so many babies, so sex just isn’t as critical to us.
This reality presents a challenge to both genders as men try to have sex and women try to avoid it. (Or is it just me? Maybe it’s just me.)
I did hear some good advice from a fellow Mommy. When she shared it, she and her husband had been going through a dry spell. She said that she’s been married long enough that it doesn’t even worry her now when a dry spell happens because she knows they will eventually get their groove back. She realizes that marriage is long, and you will cycle through ups, as well as downs. Sure enough, within two months of this conversation, she was “accidentally” pregnant again with their third child.
Happy and Healthy
The point is that we all go through times when sex is not as critical. Maybe we have young kids sleeping in our beds with us. Maybe work has us stressed out. Maybe one of us is sick or pregnant. Maybe we’re just tired. But sex should always be a priority. Once it’s over, it was never a bad idea and always brings my husband and me closer, even if I wasn’t in the mood to begin with.
So, for a happier marriage, go jump on your spouse!